Thursday, January 29, 2015

Whiplash. Neck Strain.

It has been a dizzy few days for me. Saturday was a good day. I had some energy. I had turned on the radio for some extra motivation. I was determined to clean the house no matter how bad I have been feeling lately. I had some Diet Pepsi and taken all my meds. It was going great. I was beebopping along, washing the dishes, cleaning the counters, scrubbing down the table. Then A great rock song comes on, one that people like me like to headbang too. I have been known to really get into the music. Well, I forgot the no headbanging rule and I went to town. I got carried away and I was really enjoying myself. It had been years since I had done that and as soon as the song finished I was reminded why it was against the rules.

I felt like a bobble head. Literally. My neck would not hold itself up. I had stretched and strained all my neck muscles in 3 minutes. At first everything was numb and it felt like my neck was not connected to my head. If I tilted my head at all it would just fall. No support from the muscles. This is a big deal because I already have no support from my tendons and ligaments due to the EDS. I immediately sat down so that my high back chair could support my head for me. At this time I realized that I do not have a neck brace and I really needed one, especially for the next day when the muscles would be all sore and I would need to take muscle relaxers. I was afraid to take them without a brace to support me.

I woke up the next day to some very sore muscles. The whole back of my neck and halfway up my head was screaming at me for being so stupid. It hurt halfway down my spine and over the tops of my shoulders. It was Sunday and the only place open who might be able to give me a neck brace (without resorting to the ER) was urgent care. I got in right away and the doctor said I definitely needed to wear a neck brace for a day or so and to take my muscle relaxers. I told him that I just needed a brace, I had the other stuff at home already. Apparently, it is now illegal for them to stock braces in the clinic and I need to go get one at a medical supply place. Apparently, the only place I could use my insurance to get one was 50 mi away. Apparently I would need to pay out of pocket for one. Good thing it was only $14 but that still took money out of my gas fund for the week. Ugh. I about started crying on the phone with the insurance people.

I finally found a local place to buy one and put it on right away. The pain relief was amazing. I wore it the rest of the night and all night while I was sleeping. I took muscle relaxers all day Monday hoping to ward off a longer recovery time. I napped most of the day with the brace on. By Tuesday I was feeling all right but still a little sore. I could hold my head up myself so that was progress. I took off the brace and went about showering and trying to get something done. I got about as far as a shower and feeding the kids.

Wednesday was the day. Most of the soreness was gone. I got up early, showered, ate, took my pills, and started drinking Diet Pepsi. I was determined to get the dishes done that had accumulated while I was down. I am going to take this moment right here to complain about how no one thought to do any of this for me while they could see how down and out I was. I suppose I could have asked but I would have just gotten attitude about it. Why would they do my job for me? But that is an ongoing frustration for me. No one in my house ever wants to help me keep the house clean and I feel like a maid. A disabled maid who gets whined at for daring to think that they could at least pick up their dirty clothes or the crap they were playing with. You know, the bare minimum.

I got the kitchen cleaned, again while listening to music and remembering the rule to not headbang. I cleaned the counters and washed the table. I drank Diet Pepsi for energy (because coffee, green tea, or B vitamin supplements don't do it for some reason) and sang along to some good old rock and roll. I washed 4 or 5 loads of laundry and folded 3 of them. I had a shower and brushed my teeth. I even changed the cat litter. I made an easy dinner and then just about collapsed. I wanted to just sit in my chair for the rest of the evening being a lump but I had an important meeting to go to at church. My UU church offers a class for students called Our Whole Lives. I love this program. It covers sex ed and appropriate relationships. I can handle sex ed but I am damned when it comes to teaching about appropriate relationships, because I have no clue. My relationship is obviously dysfunctional although we are extremely committed. So I had to drive there, sit in the parent orientation, pay attention, try not to stick my foot in my mouth, and then drive home. I was so exhausted that I only stayed awake for an hour before falling out. I was really glad I had gone though. I hadn't been able to go to church for awhile because of the increased fatigue. I missed my UU friends. I miss church.

Today is Thursday. The older kids have gone to school, the husband has gone to work, and I am home with the younger 2. The preschooler has school today. Thank goodness she doesn't have to be there until noon. She already missed 2 days this week because I couldn't drive her and I couldn't get a hold of my dad to take her. I need to take her today. As I sit here I can feel the exhaustion from yesterday claiming me, telling me to go back to sleep, to take a nap, but I can't because the kids need breakfast. I need to drag myself through another day. I have 2 loads of laundry to fold, clean dishes to put away, another load of towels to wash, and kids to feed and dress. It is cold and windy outside and it makes me feel tired and in pain.

How do I make it through another day? I feel like I have a heavy weight pushing down on me all the time. An inescapable burden. The caffeine goes to my head. I can feel my brain pick up and my heart start to beat faster, but my muscles have no energy. 

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